micro post

returned from travels across the country:

thank you critical shopper for summing up my LEAST favorite parts of what was otherwise a killer sojourn:

"One $75 T-shirt bore the word ARTIST across the chest in a bold glitter font. Now, any artist I know who’s worth his salt would print the shirt himself if it cost more than $22 — and it would never say ARTIST. It might say JANITOR, or IDIOT, or possibly HOOKER. But wearing a $75 T-shirt that says ARTIST suggests that the most artistic thing about the wearer is the T-shirt itself, much as you know that anyone who actually uses the word “classy” probably isn’t. Even if they could afford it, real artists wouldn’t wear such redundancies, any more than raccoons would buy themselves $75 T-shirts that say RACCOON."


see u soon gurlizzz

good in theory; poor in practice

jez responds to a NYT article about a government panel recommending that teens be screened yearly for depression, which is likely part of a yearly physical exam. however, the screening consists of a multiple choice questionnaire. as someone who has been administered this test on occasion, this shit is retarded. the questionnaire reads like it is straight out of Seventeen magazine: "do you feel like sleeping all the time" ; "do you feel like no one understands you"; "do you feel the world would be a better place if you weren't in it". And, for the specific version i took, it was a 1-5 ranking system with 5 being always and 1 being never, taken infront of an individual who was wholly convinced that i WAS infact depressed and that was the cause of my ailments (fun fact: i just had bronchitis and was/am a social inept loser) i am heartened to see an increased interest in the mental health of children and young adults, but without a serious update i don't feel like a multiple choice quiz is really going to delve into the trixy feelings that come with being a teen, young adult, or any one for that matter.

plastic surgery on the decline; much like patient's neck skin

Both NYT and W have pinned plastic surgery as their page turning fodder for the present. One, NYT, about the horrific decline in such luxxxuries as getting to have your face poked at every week and W covering the decline in patient's desire for carnal pleasures after getting their face poked at. I am, gleefully, more interested in the NYT article, but I'll get to that. W is pushing the thought path that today's patients don't have much time outside of their micromanaged eating plans and board meeting plans for freaking plans. Noting, that patients rank sex below work, diet, and excercise on a scale of importance and instead gauge internal hotness on how many people are leering at their deform-o body slinking down 5th ave. Firstly, what sane, non-serial killer man likes a woman who's face, and likely body, is taped and pinned together? Maybe ones that enjoy their sig.other as a vanity piece more than an agent of love. The bright spot, comes at the end of the piece where doctors note that some patients cannot wait to get back into the sack after surgery and end up causing themselves some serious harm. The patients are older men with much younger girlfriends. Maybe you don't find it funny, but the idea of a mummy wrapped old dude and a idiotic gold digger-who is likely enhanced herself- kind of tickles my funny bone.
NYT, slightly more scholarly in their prose, brings in a little logic starting off with bringing a little reality to a highly fanciful lifestyle; "On television, reality shows like “Extreme Makeover” and “Dr. 90210” normalized vanity medicine, making cosmetic operations seem cuddly and carefree. Meanwhile, lenders rushed in to offer specialized lines of credit for cosmetic procedures."
Though, the article is not without some quotes that may as well be pointed jokes at the target viewer. Pls see; “Let’s face it, if you don’t look great, you are not going to your reunion and you are not going on Facebook,”. The individual then describes that she now takes gym classes instead of using a personal trainer, but anti-wrinkle injections are a MUST. Another woman, (no men were quoted on the cutting back on their botox and boob jobs) proudly states that she got a haircut that includes BANGS(revolutionary!) to conceal the botox evaporating from her furrowed brow leaving her with what likely looks like a quick sand pit under some highlighted fringe. Also, I would like to note that she mentions reunion and facebook as a hand in hand activity; If you are old enough to have a class reunion, have botox, you need a life, not facebook status.
The luxury beauty business, proceedures included, started out in this friviolty decline sitting pretty, reasoning that while a client may not be able to afford an 800K watch or 150K organza top, they will never forsake their face and will make room for little cosmetic luxuries to pad their safe room that sits below their penthouse suite. But, not so, every luxury avenue in the U.S is hurting; people are buying cheaper cosmetics, mixing and matching nail color, using at home acne remedies as opposed to laser treatments. The beauty bubble, along with the luxury bubble, have burst. Mainly, I am psyched for the day when covens of augmented powerhouses's faces appear to melt off with small Nelly band-aids holding their noses in place and breasts erect in last season's frock. Aren't you excited that these events are how a reality clip show will classify our current time period? It'll make for exciting tv atleast.