"NOTHING IS MORE GLAMOUROUS THAN A BEEF SANDWICH"

THIS IS WHY I NEED MY OWN CABLE ACCESS TV SHOW! Right now. AS I TYPE! A show called 'Sandwiches You Will Like' is on and is interviewing a man with a trachea voxbox about why he likes the spicy tripe sandwich. An hour, devoted only to sandwiches that you WILL, not might, WILL, like. So far, I like none of the sandwiches, but my palette is not refined enough for spicy tripe,bbq pig ear, or egg foo young with mayo on white bread.

Thank god for public access, PBS, CET, and their like. No jillion dollar NYC Prep episode could comepare to this or make for as wet and wild of a drinking game-drink everytime the narrator says DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-(whisper)licious or mentions offal. I am running out of beer.

Secrets Show is coming your way...as soon as I get bunny to help me film and deceive others for entertainment. In my dreams...

UPDATE: I totally thought this show was a rerun from about 1996 judging from fashions/hairstyles...NOPE! They are just only visiting those static parts of the country. Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives can eat Brain (sandwich.)The towns also look like every episode of COPS ever, throw in some Joey Greco and I am in cable heaven! Fingers Crossed!

resurrected

not dead yet.

thepursuitaesthetic.com links highsnobiety.com with meta-consumer culture examples from fashion week: logo'd lollipops. how many triumph sandals do you wanna bet that nary-a pop got chomped?

ZOMG food network ILU

So, in the midst of reading all of the depressing fashion sales/retro-growth figures, FoodTV pops up on my ancient television with some choice suggestions. Now, this will not solve buyers anxiety over the upcoming fall retail season (even though, surprise, black and somber is a BIG trend), but it's the best advice iteration I have seen thus far in our 'difficult' economy. Chef and Tv personality, Tyler Florence, (better to look at than listen to) appears in what looks like Rachel Ray's pretend kitchen to tell you the tastiest way to re-heat your cheap ass take out food. GENIUS! Who the fuck is watching Good Eats on a tuesday night, probs someone who is familiar with the creative arts of consuming leftovers. Am I paying attention when Barefoot Contessa-or as someone I know lovingly calls her,"...idk..that barefoot bitch"-makes Shrimp Bisque and a pear tarte tatin? Hardly. Quickly insert a commercial-torial on how to re-heat leftover pizza and lo-mein with out compromising the original's already dubious quality? I see you showtime! This little heads up re-connects with the viewer, here, it's my lazy ass, and under lines that FoodTv is as helpful and relevent as ever. Oh, tight, and now Ted Allen is on Foodtv talkin about how asparagus makes your pee smell! (it contains mercaptan which is also present in rotting eggs) Now, I need a snack!

craptastic crab ads

Joe's Crab Shack, mid-priced Texas based theme eatery, dissatisfied with just having tacky slogans like 'I got Crabs at Joe's' et al now they have submerged themselves into the waters of ham-handed misogyonstic television commercials! The commercials often play during evening prime time and have two veritable Shakespearian story lines; one depicts a vapid, some what crazed, nagging female telling her male dining companion that he has shit on his face, he grimaces, eye rolls, flicks his eyes in the way that is male code for 'bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks', and neglects to tell his attractive female companion that she has half a crab leg stuck to her fore-head. The second, is 20x more suggestive and gag-worthy; it opens with a pneumatic blonde with huge harry forearms cracking crab legs and being generally puzzled on how to rend the tasty crab flesh from its pointy shell. The viewer soon finds that the arms belong to a male dining companion who appears to have the female sitting on his lap which he wraps his arms around her, cracks crab legs, and wipes grease and bits of shell on the woman's prominent chest. Clearly, Joe's Shit Shack wants you to know that women should keep observations to themselves and look good so as to not spoil the classy atmosphere of a chain-restaurant where the cuisine is mildly warmed under salamanders and the kitchen are apt to spit in your food for fun. Perhaps their Ad-team of 13yr old boys step it up from immature, jocks who are more likely to eat at buffalo wild wings to the unemployed, video gaming market next! They can have 3am ad spots and totally naked women rolling in vats of melted butter, but have their bodies be slightly geometrically topographic for gaming familiarity. Game Over.

no reservations

After watching this Anthony Bourdain show on the travel channel (you can watch the rest of the show on YouTube; the part above is where Anthony goes to eat at the 1$ buffet and introduces that he will be cooked for by royalty later in the show) and coupling it with my adoration of Wes Anderson's fantasy portrayal of this country in The Darjeeling Limited, I need to go to India. You can stay in these palace hotels, really, its cool. Also, Indian food: I need it. Not to say I am ignorant of the incredible amounts of people and the rampant poverty in India, I just feel like its a better place to aspire to visit than, you know, HelL-A, or Miami wit my gurrliezz. (Also due to the above factors it is no wonder that brands are pushing Indian Styling for spring. It's beautiful and fresh)