there is nothing sadder than shopping in your own closet

Lots of lady mags have been touting the super idea of shopping in your own closet. Below my friend and sister discuss this depressing thought. I'm red, she is blue.
click to enlarge

So there you have it; shopping in your own closet is sad and our mother is cray-cray. Also sad: clothing swaps, but that is an entirely different animal.

pre-teen schadenfreude

Tiiiiight! NyMag informs that, oh noes, nearly all of the Kira Plastinina stores in the US are closing! I am not usually one to tease, mock, or cackle at the barely legal- that is my younger sister's department- but when you are the bored youth of a Russian orange juice jillionaire and decide you need to bring even more unskilled z-list celebrity trashion to the U.S. it's fair game. This predicament is not surprising when you are trying to push off forever21 style at an Urban Outfitters price point. Scoping out the Kira Plastinina website shows that the clothing isn't really too far off trend for the age group, but it's marked way up for what it is. Let's nerd out on the below dress: -Wool fabric of indeterminable quality: given country of origin (the site does not list fiber contents or country of origin of it's wares. tsk tskkkk) probs $2-5$/yd -Indeterminate strap quality: Let's say its a knit trim as it appears to be 1-ply and has no construction stitching: $.30-$.90/yd -Likely pleather applique: $1.50-$3/yd -3 metal zippers- $1/each -4 serged seams, no apparent darting or fit attention, so a sack with straps- this would take a skilled worker maybe MAYBE 5min to construct since there is no need to change stitch or thread (applique stitching withstanding, that would be maybe another 10min), so 15min construction at a pay rate of, let's be generous and kind, 10$/hr, $2.50 So, entire garment cost, at the high end 10$. However, the dress, which originally retailed at $118 is now on sale for $29.50. That, is still $19.50 in profit, but given modern factory sewing and pricing scales, the probably real cost of the garment would hover around the 5$ mark. All of this would be well and good for the Plastinin's, IF PEOPLE BOUGHT IT. America is already hyper-saturated with fast fashion and trend driven teen apparel and really, another brand pushing the exact same merch at a higher price point is not exactly take the U.S by storm. Apparently, the 70 Russian outlets of the store are doing well, not surprisingly as it is their local fashion and Russia is the New Jersey/Vegas of Eurasia. Hopefully, this will serve as a warning for those with the means, but not the skills to decide that design is the new easy, fast, fun career outlet; looking at you Katy Perry, Sheree from RHoA, random celeb's A-Z.

fly flare

Fred Flare is getting a lot of lip service this month. First fashionista rep'ed their fashion origami, then Critical Shopper took a heart melting look at the bright boutique. Their main page has christmas shopping on lock with shopping by theme feature with categories such as 'black', 'kawaii', 'eco', and 'crafty'. I would fall into 3/4 of those and will likely do a large chunk of my holiday shopping from their unfailingly cute site. Free shipping on orders over $75 doesn't hurt either and totally leaves me enough cash leftover to grinch my own presents from OAK after Christmas. (picture straight ape'd from critical shopper. but it's so cute!)

tricky tricky girl

Fashionista commented on newish clothing site, FarFetch.com, which culls fucking hard to find garb from around the world and places it at your luxury-deprived fingertips. The shop is a virtual mix of oak-opening ceremony-and lord and taylor with brands ranging from aforementioned opening ceremony and henry vibscov to balenciaga and christopher kane. The site is also segmented into 'personality' tabs with divisions like 'luxe', 'lab', and 'cult' with steers you towards designers more up your alley. The only fault that I can pin on FarFetch is a fairly major one, their price gouging is worse than Shell Oil. They list a MbyMJ cashmere sweater for $450, which considering the ever mind-boggling dollar signs on Mssr. Jacobs wares doesn't seem out of place. One click over to barneys co-op will gladly sell you the same sweather, on sale, for 180. Ksubi are also listed on FarFetch as being $450, which is at the high end of their mark up spectrum and they can be had elsewhere for close to $200. Though, this is all forgivable when you see that they have a nice collection of Margiela, See by Chloe, Vibscov, Bernard Wilhelm, and Surface 2 Air; designers that are hard enough to find in real life let alone in online. Farfetch does offer free shipping and the inflated costs can possibly be attributed to the fact that near all of the boutiques who's wares they cull from are in europe (currency conversion be damned). Until, then I will just have to be content with staring at the screen until either our economy inproves or the rest of the world's just gets worse.

crispy critcs

I've highlighted NYT critical shopper reports before; sometimes with delight and sometimes with disgust, but, perpetual smart ass critical shopper contributer, Mike Albo is all good (in the hood). Now, before I get started, I have no ill vibes for Cintra Wilson's acid tongue and epic taste levels; Mike Albo is just fucking on all the time. To the point: Albo's current review of the Gap flagship (which occurs after Wilson's review of the Mcqueen store; how fair considering the Dow is plummeting faster than Brett Michael's hair line is receding). Quoth Albo re: the economy and our aging child star american sportswear brand, beloved by yours truly, Gap: "...o my right, a Frenchman wheeled a baby carriage onto my foot until I moved out of his way. There must have been 100 Europeans in this store: men wearing sweaters tied around their shoulders, women wearing sunglasses inside, entire families chattering and pointing. All of them had rapacious looks in their eyes because they knew time is money. They needed to buy as much as possible before the increasingly global financial meltdown turned their powerful euros into a currency as pathetic as, well, the United States dollar..."
This installation of critical shopper is a rarity in which the reviewer does not have a positive opinion at all of the selected store upon arrival, but is mostly pleasantly surprised; "..and if I were a literature grad student visiting from Strasbourg, I would have bought all three and then gone home and worn them while smoking loose tobacco cigarettes and reading Houellebecq."
However, being the whip quipper, Albo does not let some fug merch slide by, "..One look at those items and I wanted to breathe into a paper bag....a perfect purchase for someone who works in catering or an office and needs at least to pretend to care about his job."
Though, marring Albo's final assement is his realization that in Gap, like every other box brand in the U.S/earth, you will never look as good in the clothes as the visuals people dress the manniquins, unless you invest in a basket full of binder clips and pin the extra folds of the off the rack garb to your flesh. Albo's verbage on the matter: "..it is my hope that during the next presidential administration I can form the Truth in Visual Merchandising Commission and put an end to this travesty. Be warned, retailers: End this deceitful practice now! Either stop clipping or tucking your clothes, or get fatter mannequins!"
Outside of nymag:sex diaries, this is easily the best archive to pour over while pretending to work in those last eternal fifteen minutes of work.

crispy critcs

I've highlighted NYT critical shopper reports before; sometimes with delight and sometimes with disgust, but, perpetual smart ass critical shopper contributer, Mike Albo is all good (in the hood). Now, before I get started, I have no ill vibes for Cintra Wilson's acid tongue and epic taste levels; Mike Albo is just fucking on all the time. To the point: Albo's current review of the Gap flagship (which occurs after Wilson's review of the Mcqueen store; how fair considering the Dow is plummeting faster than Brett Michael's hair line is receding). Quoth Albo re: the economy and our aging child star american sportswear brand, beloved by yours truly, Gap: "...o my right, a Frenchman wheeled a baby carriage onto my foot until I moved out of his way. There must have been 100 Europeans in this store: men wearing sweaters tied around their shoulders, women wearing sunglasses inside, entire families chattering and pointing. All of them had rapacious looks in their eyes because they knew time is money. They needed to buy as much as possible before the increasingly global financial meltdown turned their powerful euros into a currency as pathetic as, well, the United States dollar..."
This installation of critical shopper is a rarity in which the reviewer does not have a positive opinion at all of the selected store upon arrival, but is mostly pleasantly surprised; "..and if I were a literature grad student visiting from Strasbourg, I would have bought all three and then gone home and worn them while smoking loose tobacco cigarettes and reading Houellebecq."
However, being the whip quipper, Albo does not let some fug merch slide by, "..One look at those items and I wanted to breathe into a paper bag....a perfect purchase for someone who works in catering or an office and needs at least to pretend to care about his job."
Though, marring Albo's final assement is his realization that in Gap, like every other box brand in the U.S/earth, you will never look as good in the clothes as the visuals people dress the manniquins, unless you invest in a basket full of binder clips and pin the extra folds of the off the rack garb to your flesh. Albo's verbage on the matter: "..it is my hope that during the next presidential administration I can form the Truth in Visual Merchandising Commission and put an end to this travesty. Be warned, retailers: End this deceitful practice now! Either stop clipping or tucking your clothes, or get fatter mannequins!"
Outside of nymag:sex diaries, this is easily the best archive to pour over while pretending to work in those last eternal fifteen minutes of work.

money shots

You have 60seconds to make a good first impression and half of those opinions are culled from looks alone, make that nine tenths if you are making fashion impressions. The same holds true for fashion product as well as fashion people. The presentation of the object/item can intimidate or endear the intended user. In ye olden days, personal shoppers at lux shopping outlets started throwing couture pieces on the floor in front of the customer. Laying all the hundreds of thousands of dollars of product at the clients feet. This stripped the clothing of its perceived in-attainability, which as you can guess, ended with a large ka-ching and the clever sales staff gaining some mad commission. This is still done and now, with some boutiques relaxing their employee dress code, carries over to the employees combining the ultra premium with something that may or may not have been pulled out of a sewer grate. The same effect is achieved by breaking down that regardless of cost, it is still clothing; it is meant to be worn. First impressions can be whatever you want them to be. Which is why I appreciate when full advantage is taken of situations. I am mainly segueing into product photography. Great product shot can make your (maybe just my) mouth foam and my hands itch while I am digging around for my credit card. When done well, really well, it is akin to sorcery with insanely good lighting. The shots that I am salivating over presently belong to OAK. They look like they belong in an editorial or better yet are photo-realistic illustrations of the product. The wearer is not totally removed from the shot, but they are instead used as an animated prop to high-light the details of the item. Is OAK necessarily a cheap store to begin with? No, but the impression lended to their target consumer more than just makes the product seem attainable, it makes the product seem like it is already integrated into the wearer's wardrobe and that it is the great mystery of the 21st century that they don't own it already. Which is invaluable in it's own right and extremely valuable to the mind that chose to go that creative direction.
(photos obviously from OAKNYC.com who are incidentally having a big sale right now)

ooga booga man

I accidentally came upon OogaBooga while randomly googling for fancy vêtements and I am fucking psyched that it popped up! Where else am I going to find Calvin Johnson mix tapes or 5$ Ian Svenonius DVDs?! Are you kidding me? is this a music/art/rare trinket wet dream? They also have a great assortment of clothing and accessories to appease the vain fashion B in me including such trixy to find online lines as Bless and Opening Ceremony. If this wasn't enough to make your /my slightly inebriated head spin, they are having a pretty epic sale as well right now. So, if you didn't spend your entire stimulus check on "untraceables" (read: 'dro/'alch) spend the rest here.

nasty nasty girl

WWWD profiled NastyGal Vintage clothing a few days ago and while I am loath to pay 125 for a dress I know came from SalvArmy. I am majorly appreciative of the excellent eye choosing and styling the vintage wares. I also enjoy that the photos of the sold out items are still up for viewing as they are good mental bookmarks as items to scour for. It just further reinforces that with a little digging, a little cleaning, and a lot of 'tude most anything goes.

Kentucky "lifestyle center" ensnares elementary and middle school girls in web of jelly bracelets and 'lernins

I'm back and full of scoffing, sneering, and sass. Surely, I was missed. As, I am catching up on my emails, old and new news/internet crap reading here is a Jezebel article that briefly highlights a shopping camp for 6-12 at a Louisville, KY shopping center. While the 'camp' does go to places like Barnes & Nobel and Office Max to teach information searches and organization skills, I am rolling my eyes hard at the portion of the kiddie seminar that teaches girls how to put together an outfit and properly accessorize.
Firstly: Is this an incredibly thinly veiled attempt to boost sales by letting hyperactive tweens run amok at the only indoor camp with a food court and a Victoria's Secret? (I quick run-down of the stores in the 'Summit Lifestyle Center' shows a fair amount of brands that are either already bankrupt (Chico's ) or toeing the line (Limited brands ; Gap brands ; Claire's et al.)
Secondly: Who cares if a 6-12 year old can dress themselves stylishly? (answer: other 6-12 yr olds and their mothers with the social mentality of 6-12 yr old) When yours truly was of that tender age, I was decking myself out in all one fluorescent color, crimpin' the shit out of my hair and interspersing tiny braids and bows, painting unicorns on my face, matching my keds to my frilly socks, and stitching together whatever garment I could make from tee shirts swiped from my dad's closet. Basically, I was a tiny Boy George and my parents couldn't care less.
Do children really need to be taught how to properly dress and accessorize their prepubescent forms to some ricidulous, and most-likely poorly dressed, adults dictum? Do they really need to be spending their summer indoors snoring through the organization and information sections and flipping their shit in Limited too? When they could be, I don't know, outside? playing? like children? The article does nicely note that "not all children can be cheerleaders (and football players)" so is compulsive consumer the only other outlet for girls of that age? Apparently, it is in Kentucky.


fun fact: over-heard in a Barnes and Nobel while at the beach (yes, I was in a book-store while at the beach, I was looking for UK vogue & elle, V, and I-D of which they had none)

one approx. 14yr old dressed like Kimora Lee Simmons to another
"This store is like SO gay. I hate it."
reply from other bored tween.
"Jill would love it. She is a mega-nerd"
cackling ensues.
fin.