money shots

You have 60seconds to make a good first impression and half of those opinions are culled from looks alone, make that nine tenths if you are making fashion impressions. The same holds true for fashion product as well as fashion people. The presentation of the object/item can intimidate or endear the intended user. In ye olden days, personal shoppers at lux shopping outlets started throwing couture pieces on the floor in front of the customer. Laying all the hundreds of thousands of dollars of product at the clients feet. This stripped the clothing of its perceived in-attainability, which as you can guess, ended with a large ka-ching and the clever sales staff gaining some mad commission. This is still done and now, with some boutiques relaxing their employee dress code, carries over to the employees combining the ultra premium with something that may or may not have been pulled out of a sewer grate. The same effect is achieved by breaking down that regardless of cost, it is still clothing; it is meant to be worn. First impressions can be whatever you want them to be. Which is why I appreciate when full advantage is taken of situations. I am mainly segueing into product photography. Great product shot can make your (maybe just my) mouth foam and my hands itch while I am digging around for my credit card. When done well, really well, it is akin to sorcery with insanely good lighting. The shots that I am salivating over presently belong to OAK. They look like they belong in an editorial or better yet are photo-realistic illustrations of the product. The wearer is not totally removed from the shot, but they are instead used as an animated prop to high-light the details of the item. Is OAK necessarily a cheap store to begin with? No, but the impression lended to their target consumer more than just makes the product seem attainable, it makes the product seem like it is already integrated into the wearer's wardrobe and that it is the great mystery of the 21st century that they don't own it already. Which is invaluable in it's own right and extremely valuable to the mind that chose to go that creative direction.
(photos obviously from OAKNYC.com who are incidentally having a big sale right now)

literally Bravotv, you are going to make my head explode

Bravo picked up a new reality series called "American Artist" which will be in the style of ProjRungay where contestants have to produce a painting, sculpture, etc to be judged by a panel. Sarah Jessica Parker will be hosting and/or producing. I AM GOING TO VOMIT BLOOD EVERYWHERE! THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WITH THIS PREMISE! Here, I will make you a handy list in ascending order of criminality:

1. SARAH JESSICA PARKER IS NO TIM GUNN and has NO art leverage. She went to school for design and had a perm. She has line at Steve & Barrys which manages to be condescending to the customer AND hideous! Her hook nose self was fortunate enough to land a role where her wardrobe was dictated by someone with actual talent.Nice resume.

2. Project Runway has, unfortunately, secured a trend-crazed audience who knows very little about actual fashion or actual design. So now, everyone who can pair a shirt with a pair of pants thinks they have the talent to be a designer. Art is even more of a vicious world where a smaller percent of actually talented individuals receive any credit. Just because you can write your name this does not make you an aspiring artist. I see enough of these doodling assfaces IRL anyways I don't need this show to bring more out of the wood work. You know, the ones who bring their sketch book to bars, to do 'portraits' of women. Cause you know, dudes that can pencil in your visage as seen through the downs-syndrome photo shop filter are worldly and you should be so lucky to bed them. (If you would like to see actual working artists who actually do shit on tv, pls see vicetv: art talk)

3. I am EXTREMELY skeptical that these contestants can create anything of merit on the spot. Why? because art is generally starts as a feeling, a response, and provokes the same. I would call what these contestants produce 'visual representations' and not art because to have 30minutes to concept and map out then however long, 12hours probably, to produce is not enough time. Even on P.R. they have behind the scenes help, sure the contestants look like they are doing all their own sewing and patterning and steaming and finishing, but again. 12 hours from concept to product. Are they going to have someone prime the canvases? make a base wire structure for the sculpting, pre-mix all the guache into the desired colors?
And then to have it judged by a limited panel and all of middle america? That is an accident waiting to happen. Who in the art-sphere would actually BE on the judging panel? My high school art teacher? Bob Ross? Not even Bravo has a big enough budget to get anyone worthwhile on that panel at least anyone who ever wanted to work again. Because art is subjective, everything can be construed as art as long as it retains concept and follow through. Example: Was Vito Acconci masturbating under a false floor while fantasizing through a loudspeaker about those walking above him art? Yes. The viewers of the tv show will get themselves in a rabid fervor decrying that this is art and this isn't art and this is but this isn't. So even, if by some fluke, a genuinely talented individual is on this program their portfolio will get torn to shreds. Though, given Bravo's producers 5 season history of accepting just-forward enough as to seem creative to the midwest singles that are the shows primary audience, but not forward enough as to actually do anything lasting, I don't think that will be a problem on 'American Artist'.

This entire premise trivializes, in the public's eye, the work of actual artists and designers. The contestants are immature in talent and mentality and that is how the viewers 'see' any artist or designer. Art/Design is not a made for tv drama it is hard work that deserves a little more respect than a horse face show host and a prime 1 hour time slot. What will be the next show premise? Next American Industrial Designer? Where the applicants feel that because they have sat in a chair and have rode in a car that they are qualified to design the two?

And to think I woke up feeling like maybe I wasn't going to drink today...

up-fucking-date re: the hellish mess that is proj runway

ARE YOU KIDDING ME! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I am watching this shit-show right now. main take aways:

Table linen = table cloth, Jerry; don't try and put a pig in a prom dress with your phrasing. Not even the most eloquent of prose will make your god awful raincoat-and-latex-glove american-psycho-morton-salt-girl-get-up tolerable. Oh wait, you got eliminated. There is a god.

Stella, you took cheap garbage bags and made something closer to your personal aesthetic, which happens to look exactly like cheap garbage bags. You got saved, you better watch your Jersey cawing possibly black tar heroin addled self.

Girls with dyed black hair and nerd-girl-prob-clear-frame-glasses' numbers 1,2,3,4,... you are neither interesting nor forward thinking. I don't even want to shame Flavor of Love alum's 'Thing 1 & Thing 2" by giving you that nondescript, patronizing moniker. Though, I may at a later date.

Blayne, girlicious spewing long lost triplet to the Chip & Pepper twins, your romper looks like the Abdominal snowman got stuck in the front crotch region. M Kors says 'It's not cute'

Kelli ends up winning with a still yawn-worthy ensemble. If you put that much time into dyeing vacuum cleaner bags and burning coffee filters please try and make something not so played out. Burberry Prorsum meets Karen Walker painterly acid wash much?

I want to vomit//read soon on the news that all of these people were shipped off to Easter Island to 'Lord of the Flies' all over each other.

Phrases to look forward to from future episodes, none from contestants, all from judges/Tim:
"hey slutty slutty" M.Kors
"it looks like a gay pterodactyl from jurrasic park" Tim
"this looks like a school project" Heidi

Summary of this entire season best stated by M Kors and Heidi during judging: "It's a yawn", "I am not impressed" for fucking real

first, a non sequitur

Poppy King,made up and make up lady, muses on the Joker's lipstick choices: Jack Nicholson was "the power woman's Joker. He way overdoes the lip liner—very eighties." And the latest iteration? "Heath is the post-post-feminist's Joker. He is so deconstructionist with his red lipstick, it almost comes right back around to the Renaissance!" (via jezbel via style)


Now for some meat, the new season of proj-rungay started last night and I missed it. Not on purpose, but because (1) I was doing something that the contestants are largely unfamiliar with: work and (2) the tee-vee didn't tell me about it. There have been speculations that since this is the last season before P.R.lame moves to Lifetime (yes, orphan kidnap plucky heroine daytime drama-rama station), Bravo is not nagging the viewers to watch the latest season. Which, I don't blame them. It is not as though the contestants get better with the show's age, they just blur the line between fashion designers and 'people who think they work in fashion but are really just on the Real World'. Also, uncle nag-bag stated last night that "you guys are a bunch of slackers" regarding the contestants desperate grabbing for table clothes from the choices made in the heres-75$-make-some-atrocious-nonsense-outfit-from-things-found-in-the-grocery-store. I am half saddened I missed the premiere episode now, especially since there are characters named "blayne" and "suede" ; all given names I'm sure. Why do I watch this show despite it making me scream at the television when someone half-assedly sets in a sleeve or portrays their 'conceptual' side with frayed chiffon? because it is a guaranteed 15 car pile-up every episode. Not to get all fashion high-and-mighty(but kind of) actual fashion work not like television. Not even a little. It is oft grimey, underpaid, unglamourous, sweaty, and full of too much or too little food. It is a lot of running around to make someone else look good and, sorry dear contestant, but you, like everyone else who thinks they are going to be the next Marc Jacobs or Cristobal B., have to put in your time. get in or get out; preferably the latter.

resort 09 oh mine

Damn gina, resort 09 already? I guess that makes sense since it sets in November. Then again I don't generally know what year/month/day it is so I am not all that surprised at my own shock. This year's offerings are ridic wearable and seasonless. Which, considering consumers are taking sales staff's suggestions of buying resort because it can be worn nearly year round with the addition of a coat or removal of a sweater. This coupled with the fact that consumers are just not buying bigger items right now makes resort one of the few cash opportunities for both young and established designers. Resort originally started out as being a cruise-wearish season with the implications that the wealthy would be it's main clientelle. Since, they are more likely to buy those linen hot shorts and silk sarong to wear on their annual winter vacation to the Ivory Coast. Now, resort is becoming more ready-ready to wear. It is trend driven, but not trendy nor will it probably be included in most magazines 10lb fall fashion issues, despite it getting to stores at about the same time as fall deliveries. Young designers, who already have spring/summer fall/winter lines, are expanding into resort that will cover gaps in their shipping times. This will allow retailers to buy smaller amounts from the designers and turn that product over faster, refreshing their assortment, and supplying the designer with a steady stream of income. Though NYmag reports that the sale of many young designer's wares is, unfortunately, extremely low. So low that there are rumors that the young designers will be holding intimate showings of their spring 09 collections instead of showing at the tents. They also note that consumers are saving up for larger branded items (prada, lanvin, etc) when they are making a purchase instead of going for smaller designers like Alexander Wang and Phillip Lim. Despite these bunnies having superb shows with fantastic reviews they are hurting too. Moral of the story, buy resort; buy young. It's good for your closet and good for fashion.
(imgs l to r: ADAM, alexander wang, balenciaga, 3.1 phillip lim; from style.com)

tv girl

Holly K, winner of Make Me a Supermodel, a much more legit modeling show than Ty-Ty's ratings juggenaut, has work! Here she is in Barbara Tfank's resort 09 show. Sadly, she looks more deer in headlights than doe eyed ingenue. There is a palpable stiffness in her poses and it is unnerving that she is looking directly at the viewer. Another newish face from NY Models, who has quite the stable of long necked girls, is Anna Iaryn who you can compare La Holly above. Both girls are wearing similar outfits with fairly similar poses, but their countenance/vibe is totally different. Am I doubting that Holly is beyond gorgeous? No way. I am also really glad to see her getting work. I however am more put off by Tfank's layout, choice of pose/face direction, and huge visual contrast in their two resort models which does not put Holly in the most flattering light. Also, the clothes age her tremendously. She should glide over to ADAM or Phillip Lim for better images for her portfolio.

krazy karl: moving from wildly expensive bikes to homes on fashion island

Karl Lagerfeld is designing homes on Dubai's Isla Moda. Yes, you read that correctly, FASHION ISLANDDDDD. Apparently, the isle will have a concierge service to bring you all of your couture and (sniff) r-t-w needs as well as home furnishings if you simply cannot be bothered to fetch them yourself. I am speculating that every item on fashion island will be branded, visibly, in some way. perhaps instead of maps and roadsigns they will have photos of Agyness Deyn pointing the way to the island that is shaped like the globe. Photos shot by Mario Testino, natch. Now, I am all for the seven deadly, but this seems to be indulging them to excess. Also, for as consumptive as fashion inherently is, do the surrounding U. Arab-Emirate areas condone this hedonism? Could all the money being funneled into Dubai be used for, I don't know, something OTHER THAN FASHION ISLAND? As much as I love fashion and design, I would never, ever go to fashion island. I would avoid it with nearly the same vehemence as I do the, Kerouac Kafe. (yes that is a real place, yes they spelled cafe with a K, yes they have free wifi, and probably someone to proof read your ground breaking coming of age novelette) I have a feeling that when the rest of the nations cause the earth to essentially explode, Dubai will just separate itself from the rest of the planet and set itself into orbit. I am sure it's residents have that kind of capital.

cold stores with warm inhabitants

NYT reviews the new Jil Sander store on Howard st and I am PINING my evening away wishing I were there. Much like the Marni store on Mercer, the Jil Sander store is clean, clinical, chilly, and reflective. It also possesses the same breed of gentle, accommodating staff. There is nothing I enjoy, or respect, more than genuine, kind sales staff especially in high end stores. In every fancy-pants-y store I have stepped into, ones with actual runway shows and often fragrances to their name, I have been welcomed and more often than not offered tea or a light snack.
Am I a gajillionarie, no, but with today's increasingly youthful billionairesses and starlets no one is the wiser that I, perhaps, am most likely clad in Cheap Monday and American Apparel instead of Chanel and Alaia. Though, I like to think, especially since I have spent time in their shoes, that they really do want to bring warmth and a helping hand to what can be an intimidating situation. There is a big difference between being confident about your product and being self-righteous about it. One leads to confident users, the other to scorned shoppers who will probably egg your fixed gear bike/vespa while you are on a smoke break.

here is a new frenglish phrase for you, mon petit chou: gauche idiot

This fine FIT studying fellow lists interest as 'like clothes. all the time', using 'frenglish' like the oh so nouveux fashion appropriated word 'outre', and using abbreviated fashion speak. Oh, you blue collar proles are unaware what I mean? Let me school you. Mssr. Kane here refers to illuminated designers by their first names, surely he and Karl have sat down and had an intimate lunch of non-food, dreamily staring into each others eyes, and pushing their 400 ipods around the cafe table. He also is far too harried to say such lengthly phrases as Conde Nast, so he abbreviates it to 4TS, that is the location of the building, he has probably been there and wants you to know this. Do not fret! He is just like you and me! He, charitably, only thinks about clothes for others, not himself. When dressing he only does so to clothe himself, though judging by the photo, NYmag left out 'only to clothe myself...like a deleted extra from the chinese dvd$1bootleg copy of Fast Times at Ridgemont High'. It's no small wonder that FIT continually accepts and displays to the public such fine, grateful, and obviously entitled humans, to brighten our dreary casual-sportswear-garbed lives.

millennials wanna be on top

Chances are if your mother, neighbor, cousin, cousin's drunk social worker, creepy guy down the hall, or any other random stranger tells you that you should be a model, you really have no qualifications for that position. Maybe even less than zero qualifications. Models are not normal people and more often than not come from far away, moderately impoverished countries. Models are not really DISCOVERED on television competition shows or myspace or facebook or any other marketing tool that wants you to funnel your money and time into this generations pipe dream of micro-fame. In true American style, we import our fashion models for what could be termed as one of the most consumable industries. We love our Dutch, and Slavic models so much that there is a push to change the classification of their work visas so that more of these doe-eyed 15 year olds can live in cramped apartments and hope for a lucrative cosmetics campaign. Even our own citizens hope that minimal effort will result their tiny star being launched into orbit shortly before they burn out or implode on themselves.
CNN gives Gramps a good run-down of exactly what micro-fame is and how it relates to the increasingly delusional millennial belief that everyone can be a star, you just have to convince others of your importance instead of actually cultivating marketable skills. So, these individuals lope along with their Warhol screen print tote bags purchased from Urban Outfitters, unaware that they are a walking mind fuck for anyone who can read something outside of image tags and friend requests. Maybe they listened a little too hard when their boomer generation parents told them that they can be whatever they set their mind to and that no one can hold them back from their true dreams of pop notoriety. How will our already crippled economy fare with the upcoming working class, dreaming that they can 'just do it' and that no one understands their true vision to be a multi-bajilionaire athlete, designer, musician, model, whatever? Epic fail for all involved is the most likely outcome. That is unless your life goal is to exploit the micro-fame delusions of American youth, perhaps with a tv show called 'I love Money', that's a better cash cow.

spicy, icy couture

Dior Couture opened the Couture shows in Paris yesterday and I know I say this every time a new season rolls around, I want it. Sure, I'll put on a reworked Ball Jacket and some tweaked C. Dior 'New Look' via Galliano. Frothy, yet structured with a fair handful of sheer thrown in. In all reality, monetarily and life-stylistically, I will instead use this gorgeous brain-candy to justify my wearing a completely sheer dress with severe nipped in waist to a party last week. Told you it was good! NyMag and Style are both covering the couture shows with great detail (nymag gathers industry and news sound bites from the shows as well)and in light of the near-melting heat I am experiencing I'll just have to let the icy-glare models and effusive dresses cool my heated brow before I even attempt to put on fall-ish clothes.