Monday, July 13, 2009

its here its here!!!





CELINE RESORT '10 DESIGNED BY PHOEBE PHILO. It's so..sharp! It's the only resort collection i have seen thus far that doesn't look like it has been used to mop up the tears of soot covered orphans/investment bankers. In some images the rigidness of the fabric becomes almost 2D. The collection actually excites me about fashion again (sorry couture week). Also, they smartly included the shoes and bags in the look book images because people are likely going to be dying to get ahold of those. Like me. NEED!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

bunnnnnnssss donntttt crrrryyyyyy


maybe i am listening to the smiths while being teary eyed at cuteoverload.com maybe DONT JUDGE MEEEEE!

if only i could be as sweet and cute as the candy i eat and the bunnies i google-image.
instead i pledge allegiance to snakes snails and puppy dog tails land. reprizeennttt

have a nice gloom-day! see you tomorrow!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!



after a hard day of eating jujubees, layin' around and nappin' there is nothing that warms the cantankerous cockles of my heart more than watching a video of a hippopotamus mommy-ing some puppies! zomg! and! its narrated by John Waters double win!
(as linked/featured by jezebel) too coot.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

"NOTHING IS MORE GLAMOUROUS THAN A BEEF SANDWICH"

THIS IS WHY I NEED MY OWN CABLE ACCESS TV SHOW! Right now. AS I TYPE! A show called 'Sandwiches You Will Like' is on and is interviewing a man with a trachea voxbox about why he likes the spicy tripe sandwich. An hour, devoted only to sandwiches that you WILL, not might, WILL, like. So far, I like none of the sandwiches, but my palette is not refined enough for spicy tripe,bbq pig ear, or egg foo young with mayo on white bread.

Thank god for public access, PBS, CET, and their like. No jillion dollar NYC Prep episode could comepare to this or make for as wet and wild of a drinking game-drink everytime the narrator says DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-(whisper)licious or mentions offal. I am running out of beer.

Secrets Show is coming your way...as soon as I get bunny to help me film and deceive others for entertainment. In my dreams...

UPDATE: I totally thought this show was a rerun from about 1996 judging from fashions/hairstyles...NOPE! They are just only visiting those static parts of the country. Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives can eat Brain (sandwich.)The towns also look like every episode of COPS ever, throw in some Joey Greco and I am in cable heaven! Fingers Crossed!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

OMFG



GAULTIER HERMES SHADOW BIRKIN!!! I would seriously reconsider buying a car if i could have this bag... ($11,000) that and if i had the patience to wait through the next ice age that will be the waiting list.

mini-mavens

Jez covered/photo galleried Bambino fashion week yesterday and while all coverage is to be taken with a grain of salt, I am kind of salty that instead of being psyched that whats 'new' and emerging in kids wear (and will thus filter down into mass markets within the beginning of next year) is restrained and NOT baby-skank. In the photo comments, Jez Editor Sadie poo-poo'ed the pepita's outfits for referencing nostalgia and GASP CHILDS PLAY! Well, since children, and parents of mass consumers reference their peers shouldn't we be GLAD that the general fashion vibe is that of classic shapes, light heartedness, fun and is thankfully devoid of glitter, glitter mid-rifts, and glitter words across the ass?
And seriously which would you rather dress your child in?

pretentious demi-savant?












or Miss Tuskaloosa 1996?








That's what i thought.

(imgs from jezebel.com)

Friday, June 19, 2009

papa bear baby bear

vice has an interview with Walter Van Beirendonck (1/(antwerp)6).

Van B sez on sezzy bears: "It’s not just “bears,” actually. There are a lot of different types. If you’re in the scene, there are the grizzlies—the dark ones—and the cubs—the young ones. There are also otters. But it’s also a very positive scene. It’s not about drugs. It’s not about aggression. It’s not only about sex. There are cuddly sides to it that I like—stuff like reunions, where everyone’s just eating and drinking and talking. It’s a nice vibe."

so! not only is Van Beirendonck mentor to the spastic fantastic Bernard Wilhelm BUT he is a fan of rituals and bears!The interview also inclines info about Van Beirendonck casting moddle bears for his next show, dressing Robin Williams, and S&M.

I am in fantasy gay brain bear love.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

HOLY SPOOKY SHIT

CHARM SCHOOL GIRLS(vh1 mondays) ARE IN A HAUNTED HOUSE! Their character building skill this week was to board up windows and collect used rat traps in a haunted building. When K.O. and Marcia are busying themselves boarding up a broken window and hear a spooky noise they respond like any Charm School contestant and start screaming 'FUCK YOU BITCH'...apparently directed at the ghost. These ladies are good enough just the way they are, without the meddlin' of Madam R. Lake. Keep reachin' for those stars(dollar signs)!

wwwwelcome back W

july W! fashion content! for real! no jokes! the bikini ready mag profiles 12 up and coming (well, up and coming for the pages of W, cushnie & ochs and the lake and stars have been around just not hyper-exploded like an alexander wang) and has a comically written article about gloria vanderbilt's erotic mini-novel (did you know, she is anderson coopers mom? you do now) also, all of the ads being pulled makes for a light, improved read that relies on content-shock!-and not 40milli make up ads. kudoos W.

Monday, June 8, 2009

book lernin

Jez's Anna N (the grande dame) writes on a WSJ piece regarding what appears to be the spate of dark YA novellas (wintergirls, if i stay, hunger games are cited) and makes great assertations in response to the OG WSJ. What neither article touches on however, is that teens today, on the whole are BUYING TRUCK LOADS OF SHIT all by themselves. Not to mention, are a viable market for despondent, weepy, crushing paperbacks that mirror the tumultuous vortex of suck called 'being a teen'.

When I was a teen, I had no income source of my own and had to get clearance to buy anything off the internet from my mom and use her card, meaning, i could not buy half, nay 1/32, the illicit shit i was reading/pining for. Au contraire, ma souer, has her own job, her own cash account, her own computer, and frankly more money in her checking account than yours truely. If i had those means at that age my bookshelf would be far more stacked and the Appalachian county library wouldn't have been half as creeped out by my requests.

Both articles point out that there is nothing wrong with writing/posing novels to teens with what an adult my perceive as risque material and both point out that teens aren't idiots; they know that shit sucks, why wouldn't they, they are teens. I am just glad that (a) more compelling books are being put on the market (i'll fucking read the shit out of
wintergirls) and (b) that those lay-about kids are readin' at all.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

margiela mystery!

jez's tati.anon.moddle reports that margiela the person may be outro from margiela the brand! !!! let me re-iterate. !!! this may explain why last season was a critically panned as a re-hash of 'greatest hits'. tati nails it with "But the Italian conglomerate's(new-parent brand: diesel) advertising-drenched culture is at odds with Margiela's studied, blank, anti-individualist ethos." rumor has it that raf simons, fellow anterp-ian. both are noted alumnus of antwerps royal academy of fine arts, which is kind of a HUGE FUCKING DEAL; royal academy of fine arts and eindhoven are to fashion and design what pratt and parson are (percieved to be) in the US. sum up. i hate diesel. i DIE for margiela. though i aint hatin' at him leavin' (if thats what he did infact do) no one likes to have their lifelong ethos meddled with, increased sales or no.
in other MM ligne 22 news. someone buy me these!

Monday, June 1, 2009

fuck copyin haters

fuck you jeffrey campbell shoes! i know, have known, how you knock off designer shoes for urban but! snaking ACNE! INCONCEIVABLE! this seasons "asti" are last seasons "niara" i am pissed cause i have the OG and now every tweedly teen is gonna be tryna cop my shit. to console myself i need to get the new "stroll low" to replace my old "stroll hi"'s. lammeeeeeee. (imgs: top left: jeffrey campbell "asti"; top right: ACNE "niara"; bottom: ACNE 'stroll low")

SO WHAT SO WHAT SO FINE


i was (so what so what) so kindly visually compared to the hottest les-tres-biens in telepathe on friday. dieeeee. this vid is so decadent! break ins! marshmellows! killer dance moves! jezuz crips i hope they come to a town/bedroom near me!

http://www.myspace.com/telepathe

IM BACK BITCHES

quoth (the raven: the guardian article inclusively deconstructed by jez)

"The world's been one big dick-swinging contest, and we've caught our collective glans in a nearby desk fan"

lolz peen joke. anywho!

EVERNOTE! every iNerd needs it. it syncs all your TOTES IMPORTANT musings, ruminations, ramblings, and erudite to-dos (like TO DO! BONDAGE SWEATER NEED! LOAFERS! PURGE DUST AND CLUTTER!)with your computer and desktop; no docking required only air wavveezz. and also has voice recognition so as you are speeding past a statie you can remind yourself to pay your ticket with a money order so your sig-other doesnt see you got caught. again.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

OMG WANT




hussein chalayan X puma

neeeedddd deeez; right after i sell my cats to citi card in exchange for them to increase my credit.

Monday, May 11, 2009

micro post

returned from travels across the country:

thank you critical shopper for summing up my LEAST favorite parts of what was otherwise a killer sojourn:

"One $75 T-shirt bore the word ARTIST across the chest in a bold glitter font. Now, any artist I know who’s worth his salt would print the shirt himself if it cost more than $22 — and it would never say ARTIST. It might say JANITOR, or IDIOT, or possibly HOOKER. But wearing a $75 T-shirt that says ARTIST suggests that the most artistic thing about the wearer is the T-shirt itself, much as you know that anyone who actually uses the word “classy” probably isn’t. Even if they could afford it, real artists wouldn’t wear such redundancies, any more than raccoons would buy themselves $75 T-shirts that say RACCOON."


see u soon gurlizzz

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

sabbatical

absent until june: dont cry. ill be back assaulting your eyes and logic later on.
peaceee

Monday, April 13, 2009

no no-ing




"In the consciousness of the truth he has perceived, man now sees everywhere only the awfulness or the absurdity of existence and loathing seizes him."






holy hell.

Nietzsche Family Circus: randomized Nietzsche quote with a Family circus cartoon.
ive been fucking with this for atleastttt 20min if only for the stellar catalog of Nzche. quotes. perfect for doom and gloom and spring time blooms.
via jez via losanjealous

Friday, April 10, 2009

open letter to sarah haskins



Dear Sarah-

i love you, but not in a creepy snapped 2getha4eva way. I love you almost as much as i love starbursts and cheap beer. i love you so much that i get fits of rage when commenters on alternate websites lament the discrimination of men in the media in attack of your webcasts in target women. (i cannot even begin to fully parse or spoof the retardation; the original speaks for itself, see below for screen grab) most of all, i love that you are WORKIN' that rice crispee treat.

now,
back to candy and beer

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

hoppy eazetar



oh jesus christ do i love
cake wrecks. probably almost as much as failblog. how seasonally appropriate and internally appropriate that i should chance upon this glory of a cake. after being a cake decorator for awhile in ye olde days and hating pretty much every minute of it-not withstanding when, tyrannosaurus mom and her inbred children would demand that i write all of the following names on a 6" round cake: jeremy, jason, john, jimmy, jessie, charla, terra, tina, jeff. much like your ass through conventional door frames; that shit wont fit.-this blog makes me cackle with glee at the upset that is caused on what are likely annoying customers behalfs. here is the perm. link to the rest of the awesome easter cakes complete with a bleeding eye bunny! eggggcellent.

Monday, April 6, 2009

dont read if you are immature or my mother

yesterday evening, i was regaled with the epic tale of a queef insurgence taking over the serene town of South Park and the farts were just not going to take it. yes, South Park the television show. and it made a good point. queefs aren't groce and if you think they are maybe you should graduate high school already. this was timely given another fine incident from earlier in the day. being the general lurker that i am i was privy to a small group of people groaning and making vomit noises over Diva Flo cups (google it if you want). OHHHH BARRRFFFF LADY THINGSSS GROCCEEE MY EYE BALLLSSSSSSSSSS THE HORRROORRR. get the fuck over it, and how shameful that the only other female in the room was like iduntevenkno what is like innn perrioddsss. seriously, dudes, have you not had a girlfriend for more than 28 days? one gem of an inquisition was 'are there like dead baby parts in there or somethin?' yes. yes. visible arms and legs. what is wrong with people? did they NOT pass 4th grade health class? then the conversation turned to the males bragging that they could have like a million babies cause there are like a million sperm in jizz (cool dude). actually, morons, most sperm are deformed-double heads, double tail, headless, tail-less etc-and don't require the necessary genetic make up to fertilize an egg that is when they aren't just swimming in a circle chasing their own tail and given your decidedly heavy brow line i would venture a guess that a good 98% of your sperm are never goin' anywhere. why is it, that still, female body functions are mysterious and generally regarded as disgusting while male functions are not only kick ass but hilarious to boot? is it because female organs are un-visible from the outside of the body and male organs are, ahem, more straight forward? in any event get out your ledgers and quote me here, South Park made an excellent parody of this social norm last night. you may also quote me saying, any dude that is that groced out or unawares of his lady's functions is PROBS not so attentive/skilled elsewhere. youknowwhatiamsayin'

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

o p-l-z a-p-c

i love apc i really do. LOVE. its so eazy breezy and perfect. they consistently deliver the smart basics of my dreams. dreams because i do not have 300 euro for a 'short coat', but none the less! gorgeous. which is why i am fucking BAFFLED as to why, when they have such nice things for s/s09 as below, that they included a TERRY CLOTH JUMPSUIT?!?!! complete with o-ring zipper pull! its the spawn of a million south beach 35 year old grandmas and satan himself. please. please apc, why must you hurt me so!

Monday, March 30, 2009

good in theory; poor in practice

jez responds to a NYT article about a government panel recommending that teens be screened yearly for depression, which is likely part of a yearly physical exam. however, the screening consists of a multiple choice questionnaire. as someone who has been administered this test on occasion, this shit is retarded. the questionnaire reads like it is straight out of Seventeen magazine: "do you feel like sleeping all the time" ; "do you feel like no one understands you"; "do you feel the world would be a better place if you weren't in it". And, for the specific version i took, it was a 1-5 ranking system with 5 being always and 1 being never, taken infront of an individual who was wholly convinced that i WAS infact depressed and that was the cause of my ailments (fun fact: i just had bronchitis and was/am a social inept loser) i am heartened to see an increased interest in the mental health of children and young adults, but without a serious update i don't feel like a multiple choice quiz is really going to delve into the trixy feelings that come with being a teen, young adult, or any one for that matter.

resurrected


not dead yet.

thepursuitaesthetic.com links highsnobiety.com with meta-consumer culture examples from fashion week: logo'd lollipops. how many triumph sandals do you wanna bet that nary-a pop got chomped?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

best quote of the millenia

via jezebel viz perez

"I'm a very spiritual person and he's come to me many of times in my dreams… at the end of the day, he knows who's who and what's what. Believe that. And let me tell you something, the way he's feeling is going to come out. Like, trust me. Everything is going to come out later. You're going to see who he really loved and the ones that's standing up for him the right way is the ones representing him the right way. I'm going to tell you what my spiritual connection from Biggie is telling me, 'Don't look back, just do you' and that's why my success is right here for me… Biggie said 'Don't look back. Forget Cease, forget all of them because they going to be sorry. Cause what they did was wrong.'"-Lil Kim, who says the late Notorious B.I.G speaks to her from beyond the grave


NO NO NO NO NOTORIOUS

ZOMG food network ILU

So, in the midst of reading all of the depressing fashion sales/retro-growth figures, FoodTV pops up on my ancient television with some choice suggestions. Now, this will not solve buyers anxiety over the upcoming fall retail season (even though, surprise, black and somber is a BIG trend), but it's the best advice iteration I have seen thus far in our 'difficult' economy. Chef and Tv personality, Tyler Florence, (better to look at than listen to) appears in what looks like Rachel Ray's pretend kitchen to tell you the tastiest way to re-heat your cheap ass take out food. GENIUS! Who the fuck is watching Good Eats on a tuesday night, probs someone who is familiar with the creative arts of consuming leftovers. Am I paying attention when Barefoot Contessa-or as someone I know lovingly calls her,"...idk..that barefoot bitch"-makes Shrimp Bisque and a pear tarte tatin? Hardly. Quickly insert a commercial-torial on how to re-heat leftover pizza and lo-mein with out compromising the original's already dubious quality? I see you showtime! This little heads up re-connects with the viewer, here, it's my lazy ass, and under lines that FoodTv is as helpful and relevent as ever. Oh, tight, and now Ted Allen is on Foodtv talkin about how asparagus makes your pee smell! (it contains mercaptan which is also present in rotting eggs) Now, I need a snack!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

o look the new shepard fairey! call yr lawyer.

Elizabeth Peyton (who primarily paints photos found in magazines) is now all public eye for painting, from a photograph, Michelle and Sasha Obama. Washington Post says Peyton AMAZINGLY painted the photo-cum-paint portrait in ONLY five days. uh. you are painting from an already incredibly well composed photograph. I should hope it can be done in five days, unless its oh, a MILLION BY A MILLION FEET and you stretched your own canvas. (unlikely) The Post and Peyton call the resulting painting 'transcendent'. I am this close to submitting it to FAILBLOG.
Am I ever going to hate on artists getting credit or being more well known? to put it simply, no. To be a little more in depth, I feel that there is a huge line (huge. not fine) between painting from a photo and getting credit-and using live trace/vector maps to mass success-and having a provocative concept and execution of a work. Both Shepard and Peyton navigate around fair-use copyright laws which allows them to place viewer emphasis on the reinterpretation of an initial moving photograph and onto something more publicly seen as 'arty'. Seriously, kind of fucking nonsense. I am so over it. FOR SHAMMMEEEEEE because right now, Peyton and Fairey are no better than those douche bag kids that traced all their projects to get by in studio and claim that their 'work is just as viable. or not.

Monday, February 23, 2009

dream glossy aggregation

With the unfair unveiling of the bi-annual LOVE in the UK, I am spurred to (a) cry and beat my fists in vain (b) pout and kick around my boring old american mags (c) petition for someone in the UK to send me a copy and dream of my very own magazine mini shop. Obvs it would include LOVE...and POP...and FACE....PURPLE...Paris Vogue...Phantom Paris Teen Vogue...UK Elle...ID...AnOther; maybe even a cardboard cut out of Katie Grand for aesthetics. HRM! all mags from off yonder. Why could this desire be? Maybe because, among other casualties of the economic fuck up, american magazines and american print individuality are suffering leaving huge swaths of culturally attuned social groups with out print diaries that both speak to and with them. Magazines are a specialized form of media, they have the ability to be as finite as possible, which act as and reflect a cultural barometer and encouraging the fissure and generation of ideas. A large swath of people will still, like myself, and those in the 'creative arts', seek out tangible glossy full bleed papers, but they will have to source them in other locations that are not exactly speaking directly to the end viewer. Additionally, seemingly without fail...well often inevitably WITH fail... groups of design minded youth imagine and spread 'zines through out the sub cultural channels. Idealistically, we would mash up corporate conglomerates with trend forward youth zin-ies and a specific, driven, consumable iteration of culture would be available to feed brains every where. Though, the underlying values of the two parties are in such opposition that a group meeting that did not result in blood shed would be a miracle of biblical proportions. Likely, or hopefully, with increased globalization we will have global iterations of our mainstay magazines that will then have enough money to subsidize 'continental' specific editions filtering into increasingly more unique area of interest. Magazine distribution channels mimicking early early newspaper propagation..except with better quality of paper and foxier moddles. I mean look, we even have our own modern (critiques of) yellow journalism! Until then, I'll just have to re-read and rely on local museums aggregating super publications on my behalf.
Jez does a great take on the recent upswing in Katie Grand interviews and the love over LOVE. Including some choice quotes from Grand herself, "
‘‘I think as an editor you have a responsibility to do an interesting, commercial magazine that people want to look at. We need a readership as well as advertisers,"...''with the economy as it is, I wanted to do something that was a reality check on many levels.''" word up kitties.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

isaac loves liz!




How appropriate and adorable is this s/s09 ad for Liz Claiborne? Isaac Mizrahi really had his work cut out for him when taking over creative helm of the dusty icono-house, but this ad and spring preview looks like bringing back Liz could really work. Every day clothes for everyday women; all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. Really, it's just good design, something I.M. is no stranger to. I never considered myself a Liz customer, but even my royal salti-ness can't find fault with this approach.

In other news, I am currently pouring over thumbnails from fw09 rtw, mostly boring, somewhat sad, a few good new comers, but this sartorial gem from style.com is choice.
"(Tracy) Reese worked a schoolgirl vibe for Fall, adding nerdy specs (one of this season's mini trends)..." Style.com... when CHET from the real world is adding urban outfitter's gleaned nerd-ocles to his crispy fresh new 'cool dude' wardrobe that is kind of the swan song of a trend. I am just hoping he starts sporting uggs or crocs so those can jump off the radar along with fake glasses and keffiyah scarves.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

there is nothing sadder than shopping in your own closet

Lots of lady mags have been touting the super idea of shopping in your own closet. Below my friend and sister discuss this depressing thought. I'm red, she is blue.
click to enlarge

So there you have it; shopping in your own closet is sad and our mother is cray-cray. Also sad: clothing swaps, but that is an entirely different animal.

big earrings! neutrals! and PANTS!: all that is hot for S/S 09

Harper's Bazaar, one of the last American fash mags that I will routinely read has an out of this world innovative fashion run down for S/S 09. You, dear consumers, when not 'shopping' in your own closet should be thinking about all the great outfits you will be rockin' in the coming months that you can fashion together from such 'it' pieces as:
-big earrings! H.Bazaar is sure you haven't thrown yours out from when big earrings were cool even though they suspect you have been demode and wearing them all along.
-shorts! You also probably have these lying around along with, a jacket, a white shirt, or even a cardigan!
Though, my favorite is their revelation that PANTS ARE SO IN! Long pants! Short pants! Anything that covers your lower half and separates your legs! You've got to have some of these! See, we are keeping your wardrobe current and being fiscal friendly!

In all seriousness, the issue is ukranian-model-slim due to the somewhat unnerving absense of advertisements. So, I can't hate for them trying to drum up an increase in readership by offering fashion bon mots for the 'rest of us'. Spring fashion in magazines always has had a repetative, cyclical, bent; one season it's nautical, the next it's safari, the next its some combination; whether it be travelling african pirate or coastal multi-culti set on a boat or beach. Never fear though, Harper's Bazaar does have some suggestions for those lucky enough to change wardrobes so frequently that they banish such items as pants from their closets to ensure they are following the latest fashion tenants to the letter. Namely, if you happen to be lacking cardigans for spring, Marni and Burberry make nice ones. Also, dear section of still moneyed readers, no need to buy a new bag, just use one of your old Chanel 2.55s or Hermes totes, you can even reach for that 'vintage' Balenciaga Le Dix. If you dare. Time's are tough, but now is the best time to reach reader's through sartorial escapism in the upper tiers of the fashion mags. If I want to find cheap, cute cardigans; I'll go to Jcrew. If I want pure nonsense of the outfit variety; I go to the glossy glossy pages of upper end and forward fashion mags. I am not saying they should tout the best hotel to stay in on your yearly sojourn to St. Lucia, but I do feel that keeping an element of fantasy in fashion is what will be the real hottest trend for the coming seasons.

Friday, February 6, 2009

praying for sunrise

E-FUCKING-NOUGH, Twilight nerds! Ok, Twilight, the book cum movie that is spreading throughout teen-dom like the plague has now spawned even more nonsense-ry; most recently a fan crafting, from felt, the teen heroine, Bella's uterus WITH THE FUCKING MUTANT BABY INSIDE. Target women's Sarah Haskins went to the Twilight poster signing and asked the googly eyed girls and their mothers how they would feel if their daughters came home with a drug dealer, murderer, or vampire boyfriend. They all said they'd be totes cool with it, one mother even offering up that she wants 'illegal and immoral' in a relationship. NO NO NO. I am all for fantasy and escapism, but even on my most liberal of days do I take issue with the fairy tale-izing of teen pregnancy and the glorifying of the notion that, with enough love and hard work, you can change the 'bad boy' and make him love you back. Please, raise your hand if this has EVER worked for you. No? Anyone? Bueller? This is the fantasy equivalent of saying, "hey, if I love Kevin Federline hard enough he will clean up his act and be epicly faithful and subservient husband for life!" Lofty hopes, goals, and relationship desires are not bad things for young women to have; they wholly shape how a young woman can take charge of her life and autonomy to become a healthy, happy adult. However, I feel that in a present age where sex-ed consists of 'don't do it' and ABC Family has the series Life of an American Teenager, where the main charachter, pregnant at 15, is able to continue going to school, go home to a loving family, and is not at all having to worry about the financial and social struggles of actual pregnant american girls; there needs to be more reality grounded media for teens to help balance what is becoming a very one-sided fantasy existance.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

on the shoe horn

Recently, economic experts have been trying to determine what consumer product category is "recession proof". Firstly, I am so glad they are doing this and not something that might actually be productive outside of newsprint fodder. Secondly, no doye. Yeah, people need to cover their feet and especially since people tend to use shoes frequently and are perhaps, due to monetary restraint, using their cars less, shoes would appear to be a practical purchase. Though, the always loveable NYmag informs that the sub sector of shoes to have bogglingly positive growth is, dun dun dunnnnn, UGGS. Like 57% sales growth from last year. For the love of all that is (design) holy, will people please, PLEASE stop wearing/purchasing these monstrocities. Their trend cycle, by all reasonable accounts, should have crested and faded into oblivion YEARS AGO. But instead now our millenial time period will be remembered on 'blast-from-the-past' compilation shows as the generation whose brain was eaten by an australian SLIPPER company. THEY ARE SLIPPERS. NOT FOR OUTDOOR USE. My only consolation is the news that Victoria's Secret stock is falling, making for less PINK sweatpants to be stuffed inside the sheepskin socks that are masquerading as footwear and giving me recurring sartorial nightmares.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Lacroix Couture: Alert Ab-Fab Pats and Edina

For the Lacroix show, Style.com sites Mssr. Lacroix's inspiration as "Little drummer boys, chichi soubrettes, Belle Époque madames, southern Mediterranean exotics". I get a little more quinceanera and House heritage; but there is no confusion over the sensory overload the viewer experiences in each look. Full of textures, pattern, volume, layers, and contrasts each look is a complete idea as opposed to a piece of a whole; in contrast to the equally gorgeous clarity seen below at Chanel. It is clear as to why , "darling it's LACROIXXXXXXXXX" was a phase with celestial-like power on the fashion fiend series, Absolutely Fabulous. If only the characters in the remake of Ab-Fab hold on to the O.G. legacy and continue pedestalling Lacroix and his luxurious, imaginative signatures. Fingers crossed!

oh couture you say

Yeah, it's couture season, the amuse bouche to the all out fashion binging that will come up very soon with fall 09 fashion week starting in February. So far, the great majority of media surrounding the Paris shows are pertaining to the appropriateness of showing $40,000 dresses during a recession. Well, mes petits choux, couture doesn't really care. As I have intimated before, couture is the grand hand of a fashion house lending fantasy and escape to the grind of the RTW calender. Not to mention that not everyone is feeling the tightening of their Dior crystal purse strings and there will, inevitably, always be a Middle Eastern princess or Oil heiress to support this art form in cloth. My main point of interest is the Chanel show. Not because OMG Chanel or LOLZ Krazy Karl. But because the hats and hair wreaths were made from recycled paper from the Chanel offices. The entire collection was as well inspired by paper, crisp white and inky blacks, but the hats just put it from elusive and aspirationally beautiful to hyper modern, current, and still historically enduring. If it were up to me and my bank account I would wear the head-pieces with a see through tee shirt, washed down black jeans, silver flats, and a navy blazer. You know for my spring 09' "greco-roman sculpture goes all Pygmalion and had to rush getting ready for its first day of liberal arts private school". That's the money shot.

Monday, January 26, 2009

plastic not so fantastic



More often than not last week, I was assailed by words, images, and vocals pertaining to plastic surgery. Men getting 'Bro-tox'; Candy coating plastic surgery with virtuous terms like 'maintenance' and 'highlighting ''natural'' features', culminating with the plastic train wreak that is Rock of Love Bus where money should be placed on how many more episodes it will take before Bret Michaels is visually indistinguishable from the contests who make Amanda Lepore look frugal with the knife. Jezebel's weekend contributer, commented on a USC study that equates plastic surgery as the new placard of class status and how this effects women's perceptions of their own bodies. Personally, I would be more apt to let a doctor file my teeth into points or outfit me with robotic apendages as an alternative to getting surgically sculpted to a preconcieved ideal; atleast in that situation the modifications would be of some use. However, to give a temperature reading of my feelings on 'enhancement' i even find hair extentions and victoria's secret's vein of boob crushing pushup bras to be eye-roll worthy and somewhat desperate. Some people cite that they cannot go outside because they are so traumatized that they have small breasts or that their nose was so crooked it caused them to be the town leper. Is plastic surgery necessary in some cases for the patient's mental well being? Yes. Do I find it socially laudable that we are collectively homogenizing our bodies to a pop-culturally presumed ideal? uh not so much. And really, especially where contestants of Rock of Love are concerned, why are you going to pay so much money for a body and dress it in such cheap clothing? I could close up with just closing my eyes and smiling wishing that everyone would just be happy with what they have been given, but that is not only trite it would never work. Cultures have always placed value on a seemingly silently agreed upon standard of beauty whether it be fairness of complexion or darkness of hair or straightness of teeth or the spectral ends of voluptuousness and prepubecent body types. And it is understood that some 'looks' will be more or less socially popular than others, but I feel it to be irresponsible to permanently alter the only body you have just for, what often ends up, the acceptance of others instead of yourself.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

russian orange juice heiress update

via jezebel via Russia! magazine: Apparently, the Kira Plastinina firm is now in bankruptcy court owing over 54MILLLLLLLION dollars and ousted all of their employees. I am betting this is going to put a little cinch in papa plastinin's orange fueled purse. Something tells me that this will be in the don't column of 'potential business models'. I am not going to harp anymore on a child, she has had enough ridicule, but whom of her handlers thought this would be a good idea? Opening up a new spate of tweeny boutiques (at the time of) what was foreshadowed to be a very large economic downturn. However, I am glad that Americans somewhat proved that they are not succeptible to whatever just happens to be newsest, hottest, it-est, any more. Good for us, bad for others, apparently.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

not so handy

Ok. Specific vagary: nothing drives me up the wall more than a shitty illustration with a overtly flourished signature. Perhaps its a cornball still life where in the fabric is rendered to look like cardboard instead of, you know, fabric. Maybe it's a depiction of light reflection off a glass' rim that is conveyed with a five point christmas tree STAR. Then to cap it all off, right in the cornor, carefully exacted, is a fucking Ben Franklin 2.0 insignia.Seriously, if your signature is the only thing someone can remember about your work, you might need to work a little harder on your rendering skills. This goes for that calender of animal illustrations that I thought was done by children with disabilities, but was really executed by art-lovin' adults. What happened to the good ol days of the self-deprecating artist? Now everyone is pushing their crappy chalk pastel drawings on innocent bystanders and trying to tell the internet while working on their reality show clip reel. Not every child, or adult, is the next Plato, Homer, or Da Vinci. Not everyone is gifted and talented if they did possess above average (or average) intelligence they would have powers of comparison and see that, really, that shit kind of blows and if you tell me how awesome it is one more time I will likely snap.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Elle Yeah!

By now I have underlined my growing distaste for W multi-fold along with other general women's mag nonsense and trivia. Although, do not fret, you know what is getting pretty fresh? American Elle. British and French Elle have always had it on lock, but now lady liberty's version is slinkin' around lookin fly and being a good read. I nabbed some copies from the library down the block, intending to distractedly leaf through them during bubble baths or whilst wrapped in a fluffy robe. Well, I haven't had a bubble bath since I was 8 and found myself ignoring other pressing issues, like feeding the cat, to genuinely read the glossy tomes. They've got fashion! and beauty! and food! and, best of all, BOOKS! They've got it all, from Margiela to Curry rice crispy recipies to tales about how people should just chill the fuck out. Fluffy book suggestions and snarky book suggestions; I'm a sucker for literacy. Nonsense jewels and every day jewels. Deconstruction of runway looks and none of that 'how to dress your shape' shit. No condescending stories about the agony of having to miss a vay-cay in Mustique because it would gauche considering the economic state of our states. I may or may not have ripped a few pages from the loaned leaves; the same cannot be said for the Vogue and Harper's Bazaar issues I also dragged home. Perhaps Elle has always been this good and I am an idiot for not realizing it's beauty sooner, if so, I promise to treat you right, and even buy my own issues as opposed to mangling the kind copies offered by library boyfriend.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

hayden hartnett semi-on target

Target is rolling along with their go-lines, the one presently in stores is accessories by Hayden-Hartnett (which will be followed by Loomstate and the more exciting, McQueen). In concept, I am all for Target collabos; in practice I am a little salty. Of all of the collections to date, I only retain a crumpled Prozena tee that I wear to aerobicize in and a Rogan bikini bottom. It's not like I dont try to snatch up all of the jams; I bought atleast 85% of the Rogan line and 75% of the Proenza line as soon as they hit stores. What's the beef then? I cannot stand the fit and fabric quality. Yeah yeah, I know, they can't use modal in the jersey or cashmere in the knits because it's 'budget', but for jeex sake can you please atleast BRUSH your cotton? Not even ceramic brush, just straight up brush the sticks out of that ish. H&M is in the same price tier and their joint ventures tend to lend better fabric quality for the end price. Re: fit, omg seriously. SERIOUSLY. Are you trying to make these garments look cheap on the body? Are you using your Minnesota fit model and not the New York one? All of the girls in the Go! ads are heavily pinned and tucked which is evident once you look at the same clothes on the Target web model. I have yet to see a live person, myself included, look aspirational in these catwalk to end-cap creations. Too short, too loose, too high, too low, too not-right tends to be the ending thought in the dressing room with garments that really do have good hanger appeal. Even the Rogan bikni bottom alternates between being a leopard print rap video piece when dry and a saggy mess when wet. Even Old Navy bottoms have better fit. For shame. Now with the HH bags in stores and online, I am supremely skeptical of the nicely shaped carry-alls and clutches. One reviewer on Target's website gives the bag four stars, only deducting points because the fabric looks cheap and the shoulder strap does not stay up. Oh, so you would have given it a 100% if it didn't look like shit and was FUNCTIONAL?! True to form, the bags look nice online (barring the black pvc(above) which looks like a hefty bag), but in person they are just not quite right; hardware is brassy, fabrics are tacky, straps are too short/long. I will say, the cloth pieces are nicer, but the print bothers me. Hopefully with practice, Tarjey will improve, until then I'll just have to put it in the never buy clothes from category, alongside my sworn enemy Macys.